Where is my ride?

Its been almost 5 years and I am still standing in the same place waiting for my ride. But now my patience level is thinning and my frustration has reached the brim. . and I ask myself "how lost am I?"
The helpless lost feeling by far is the worst of its kind. It makes you wanna shout for help "someone..anyone..please SAVE ME ".
You come across a lot of stuff about being optimistic and all that. I have tried serendipity and well I can say it doesn't really help during your darkest hours.. Nope! No help there at all.. I try try and try to hold on to my faith..Praying and hoping that in the morning when I wake up I will be found..Hmmm.. Doesn't work either!
Unfortunately I can't change anything, its that helpless feel that blogs your mind and banishes all your optimism. There you are standing alone in a thick forest with no sign of life; more like an alien planet, wondering asking yourself "What the hell am I gonna do? What can I do? Would the angels guide me, save me from this nothing I have become?" .. the answer is still a blank..!
I can feel the dark fog surrounding me blanketing me and blinding me to the world. I can't find my way. Unfortunately the way I see is the only way I came and thats no way when there is no going back . .
Why am I lost in the first place? I really don't know.. Maybe I have always been lost and just realized that . .Why is there a hurdle every step I take? Why can't I move ahead? I wanna see this world made by god.. I wanna feel this life god gave me.. I wanna be thankful for all the joy in my life..
But instead I feel a vacuum. .emptiness inside me..but thats not me! I love me .. I love this life..I wanna love this life even more..thats me!
I am a dreamer.. .I BELIEVE! I believe that life is to live and not just exist. .I don't wanna be tied down .. I don't wanna just settle for something.. According to me there is no "something is better than nothing".. its "All or Nothing".. Well, now I guess I am stuck with the nothing part!
I pity those who don't follow their dreams and settle for something lesser . .Even if I wish I can never be that person.. I am proud of me !
At the same time, my fear creeps in showing its ugly head..messing with my mind..stirring unwanted doubts..shaking my faith.. I don't wanna feel Nothing, I wanna feel Everything!